Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
