just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
