is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
