so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
