I have demons in me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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