he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Are my feet made of real feet?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
