I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
