Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
