im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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