Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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