I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
