Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
