Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
