If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
