I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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