He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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