dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
