That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Oh god it's open bar.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
