Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
