Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize