I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
