Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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