i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
