haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
