im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
