Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Randomize
