No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Your penis caused this!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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