I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
