whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
