Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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