I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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