Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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