I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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