I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
