dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
