I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
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