Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
