my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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