i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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