so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
