he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize