john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
