I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
