My liver just broke up with me...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
