I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
