Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
