oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
