My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
