The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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