at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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