and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
