I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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