I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Houston, we have a squirter
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
