I just saw a hot homeless man
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
