All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
