thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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