You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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