You're completely useless in the revolution.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You pole danced in your parka.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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