how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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