i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Pants are for mortals
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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