Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
