just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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