If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
