his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So much rum. So many feels.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
