It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
