I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
