i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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