Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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