I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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