theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
