I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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