so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
even my farts smell like vagina
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
