then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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