a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
