Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
