he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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