after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
