so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
