you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
