So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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