I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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