I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
