the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
