Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
