How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
