Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
