There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
