god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
