i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
