DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
