Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
