Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
