Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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