I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize