trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
