I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
