The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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