Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
