That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
