i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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