so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
