Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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