I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
