morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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