He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
operation harelip BJ is a go
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
