bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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