Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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