I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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