$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize