Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
