He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
